Nobody can change your mind. You have made your mind. You are positive that God does not exist. Then, why do you keep on watching videos about the Kalam argument? And when you watch them, you say that philosophy is not enough to you. So why do you watch philosophical videos about the existence of God? And then you say, this is pissing you off. So why do you watch videos that are pissing you off? Are you not aware that this is not a rational attitude nor a healthy attitude on your behalf, that you are harming yourself?
If God does not exist, you only have this life. And life is short. Time flies (I remember when I was young, ten seconds ago). There is no need to waste time in these videos. Enjoy life. There is no need to get angry. I don’t believe in UFOs. This is why I don’t watch UFOs videos at all, let alone comment in them. No UFO video can make me angry and I don’t complain to people that believe in UFOs. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference.
Why are you angry that you are going to end up in Hell if you don’t believe in Hell? Why are you angry that God does not manifest Himself to you (you say: «SHOW YOURSELF TO ME YOU COWARD»). But, if God does not exist, He cannot show Himself to you. So why are you disappointed? Because your parents told you God exists? My parents told me many things and some of them were not true. No need to be angry. Your parents did the best they could: with love, they taught you what they thought it is true, from common life to politics to theology. Some of this is true, some of this is not true. You will do the same with your kids.
It seems to me that you have some work to do inside yourself. If you want to be a complete atheist, stop watching theist videos, being angry at God and enjoy your life. The opposite of love is indifference. If you want to find out why God is hidden, you can research it (for example, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YvXeLtdVBE) but I doubt the arguments will convince you if you think you are entitled to a personal appearance of the Creator of the Universe to you. Whatever you do, you cannot be in the middle place you are (disbelieving in God while being obsessed and angry with God). This is harming you. Life is too short. You should define yourself if you want to have some peace. Peace.